Surely I have known sadness and disappointment and I have brushed up with loss, but grief and I had never met. Until three months ago. Change is a requirement of grief, something or someone must leave to invite it. It's an odd thing, almost as if grief suspends you and the easiest of things are difficult. A friend who knows grief gave me a book about it and in this book, the author describes grief as an amputation - it comes suddenly & severely, there's no going back and yet you can still feel what once was. I recognized immediately that description. As days have ticked by, the Lord has brought clarity and truth to places that have long been without it and I will tell you this - without hope, I would not be able to leave my room. I get it...I get how insurmountable it all feels and if I thought the character of God didn't withstand the test of time, there's no telling where the last three months would have taken me. But His character has remained since the beginning of time. Even when we had chosen to turn our backs on our Creator and we faced deathly consequences, He wasn't willing to compromise His character then. And so He remains in my circumstances with Christ and hope can live.
Well, I imagine this isn't how most blogs kick-off...usually there are probably lots of exclamation points and fun pictures, but for this little blog, this is what it took to get wheels...grief. Now before you quit reading or zone out or figure this is only going to offer depressing, gray views, give me a few posts. There is a space between the initial overwhelming devastation and the hope of what's next, space between the grieving and the longing. And for now, this is the space the Lord has me that I need to honor. It's a painful honoring because I'd much rather be on the other side of longing, knee-deep in whatever is ahead. But today, it is what it is.
This space between has great hope and so I think there is beauty and truth to be found. With the unexpected time on my hands, I figure I might as well wander through a few things---like writing and creating and taking my handcraft notions to the streets (more on this later). So, if you come back here, and I hope you do, you might find posts of simple pictures from my day, thoughts running in my brain, or news about where to find my wares.
In the last three months I've landed in a new church and one Sunday we sang the song "Give Me Christ or Else I Die." It was the first I had heard it and I managed to choke it out because of how deeply my heart clamored to sing the words to the Lord. Thought I'd end with a few of the verses.
Give Me Christ or Else I Die
Gracious Lord, incline thy ear;
My requests vouchsafe to hear;
Hear my never-ceasing cry;
Give me Christ, or else I die.
Wealth and honour I disdain,
Earthly comforts, Lord, are vain;
These can never satisfy;
Give me Christ, or else I die.
Lord, deny me what thou wilt,
Only ease me of my guilt.
Suppliant at thy feet I lie;
Give me Christ, or else I die.
